Carmelita Fox's Farting Problem
by PSYCHOTIC LESBIAN
Summary: When Carmelita catches Sly Cooper, she attempts to interrogate him, and improvises using a... rather unusual tactic. Later, the gang gets pulled into another adventure through time. (THAT'S RIGHT, NO FRANCHISE IS SAFE FROM THIS!)
1. Chapter 1

_AN: The title might change as new chapters are added._

* * *

 _Chapter 1: Rooftop_ _Rendezvous_

A familiar figure with a long, fluffy tail jumps across the rooftops of Paris.

"You can't run forever, Cooper!" came the shout from Inspector Carmelita Fox, not far behind him in her pursuit with her shock pistol in hand.

Sly Cooper jumped to another building's rooftop, which happened to be a sub layer with another taller section beside it.

"Looks like you've got nowhere left to run, Ringtail," he heard Carmelita announce, but he kept his cool and he gave the fox a smirk as he casually slung his cane over his shoulder.

"Carmelita," he cordially said, "why even bother this time? You and I both know how this is going to end..."

"Yeah!" Carmelita sternly replied, "with you behind bars!" She said as she took out a pair of handcuffs. "Since I have you cornered and unless you're going to return the Mayan Wind gem to the museum, you might as well put the handcuffs on now."

"Sorry, Ms. Fox," said Sly, "but I'm adding this one to my collection. I already stole it from a crime lord who stole it first." And with that, he used his dive move to give him way to jump to another building to the left, as Carmelita attempted to fire shock blasts at him.  
 _Is this the life he wants?_ She thought. _It was great having him on the force for a while. And we did have some good times together... even though he was just faking amnesia during that time. I guess some people just never change._

It had been a while after Sly had returned from being lost in ancient Egypt, so that gave him enough time to decide whether he should return to his thieving ways.

As the chase continued, Sly jumped onto a stair rail of a spiral staircase. Carmelita aimed her pistol at it, figuring the shock blast would conduct throughout. As soon as he saw it coming towards him, he knew what was going to happen, so he jumped in attempt to avoid it. But as he did, he bumped his head against the frame supporting the steps above. When he had lost consciousness from hitting his head, he fell into some plant troughs in the street below. Carmelita climbed down after him, still holding the handcuffs.

 _Chapter 2: The Interrogation_

Sly was starting to regain consciousness. He opened his eyes, which had to take a moment to focus and adjust to the bright light shining at him.  
"Where am I? Ugh... my head." He tried to rub his head, only to find he couldn't move his arms; his hands were handcuffed behind his back!

Once his eyes came into focus, he spotted Carmelita, who was looking at him as if he was in for it, and she wasn't letting him out of her sight.

"Good, you're awake," she said. "We didn't find the gem on you, so you must have handed it off to one of your accomplices. So I'm going to have to pry the info from you. Tell me where you've put the Mayan wind gem!"

Sly chuckled smugly. "Do you think it's going to be that easy?"

"I have some tactics," Carmelita said promptly, "but ones that I'll bring out after repeated refusals to confess", she finished, fingering the hem of her front pants pocket which contained a feather.

Her stomach gurgled, catching her off guard for a second as she looked down briefly and bit her lip in embarrassment.

 _¡Ay!..._ She thought, _those Brazilian barbecue ribs are killing me... it probably wasn't a good idea to have them today._ Sly, on the other hand, misinterpreted her stomach growl.

 _Oh, good, she's hungry_ , he thought, _maybe I can get her to leave and grab a snack so I can buy myself enough time to escape.  
_

"Carm," Sly said, "you don't have to do this. You could just take these cuffs off me and we can talk about this over dinner... 'cause it sounds like you need it."

That was the last straw for Carmelita. After all this time, how could he just think he can smooth-talk his way out of this? How could he just take advantage of her trust like that? Sly lied to her about losing his memory, then he goes behind her back and steals! Sure he tried making a sacrifice to save her, only to just go back to stealing again!

Still feeling some painful pressure in her stomach, Carmelita grabs Sly by the collar and angrily slams him on the table, flipping him on his back as she does so. Forget the feather, she had something else in mind. "Don't worry, Ringtail, I already ate. And I have a special type of interrogation for all you've put me through."

She quickly climbs up on the table and sits on Sly's face. With her plump butt positioned right on his snout, the raccoon was confused.

 _What's she doing? Is she trying to tempt me into telling her?_ He heard a rumble from above that sounded like it was making its way down, and he started to realize what was happening.

 _She wouldn't... no... NO!_

Sly struggled to get out from under Carmelita, but it was no use. And at that moment, a loud blast as brassy and obnoxious as her demeanor erupted from her backside, making Sly cough underneath. The vixen lifted her butt from his face for a moment, to give him a chance to breathe.

Sly continued to cough. "Carmelita," he groaned in disgust, "I really expected better from you. This isn't the classy lady I fell in love with."  
Carmelita took offense to this, and plopped back down on his face.  
" _You_ expected better from _me_?!" she was still irrational from all the feelings she had about the situation with their relationship.  
She grunted and managed to push out a trumpet-like fart, to which the master thief responded with a muffled scream.

"What's the matter, Cooper," she teased in a condescending way, "can't handle when a pretty lady fluffs in your face?"

Even though it was no use, Sly still tried struggling. It seemed to be the calm before the next windstorm afterwards, but the next rumble he heard from Carmelita signaled that a really bad one was coming next, he braced himself with great dread. And when it came, it started in a low burble, then got louder as its release continued.

Sly's sinuses were burning, as well as his eyes, which were watering profusely. The foul gas he was forced to breathe in was so hot and thick. Something must have really upset this fox's stomach. At this point, Sly could only feel horrified and thoroughly disgusted. His throat was starting to spasm, but he tried his hardest not to so much as even retch (not that it helped much). He decided that this would make for a much worse memory than the night Murray won that burrito-eating contest, considering that the point of expulsion was directly into his nostrils this time (not to mention, how in shock he was that this foxy lady was able to create such stink).

When her long burst ended Carmelita sighed, glad that she was able to get her relief, and not have to compromise the interrogation. She thought, _Maybe I'm being too harsh on the Ringtail..._ But thinking back on why she was angry at him in the first place, and remembering all the things he's put her through, she decided, _maybe not, he definitely deserves this._

"Ok, Cooper. Gonna tell me now where you stashed the gem?"

Sly's response was muffled underneath her round vulpine butt. He started feeling lightheaded from breathing in the Interpol Inspector's intense fumes. She decided she'd get off his face, but right before she did, Sly stopped struggling completely and went limp as he lost consciousness once more.

"Aw, he passed out," cooed Carmelita. She got off the table and slowly walked to the door. She looked back at Sly before turning the door's knob. She left the interrogation room just as some other officers came back from their break, and that moment, she started feeling guilt over what she did.

 _I can't believe I just did that. I don't know what came over me! I was lucky the other officers in this section were on break, they can't ever know what just happened; I'd lose all their respect!  
_  
She had told her fellow officers that Sly had simply hit his head accidentally during the chase and that he'd been out for a while, and to just wait until he awoke before taking any further action, hoping that would be enough time for the air in the room to clear. She then made another horrific realization... the interrogation was being monitored by video the whole time. With how high quality the sound system is, they'd hear her pooter flute for sure! She then made her way to the room where all the interrogations were monitored, so she could get the tape for herself, for her reputation's sake. Hopefully, the other officers haven't watched any of it yet.


	2. The Escape

The officers decided it would be a while before the raccoon regained consciousness, so they went to the break room. While they did that, Carmelita made her way through the hallway to the surveillance room, to try and get to the tape before any of the other officers could.

Sly finally awoke. The first thing on his mind were the events that happened before his second conking out. Neither Bentley nor Murray could know about the recent ordeal. He could have sworn the stink was still clinging to his clothes, but he tried putting it out of his mind. He got off the table and sat back on the chair, where he put his head down with his arm around his face, knowing that he was still being watched, but trying to make it less obvious that he was trying to contact Bentley.

"Hey, Bentley, come in," he said in a hushed tone, as to not be heard over the surveillance system. He still had the communicatior in his ear, and he hoped that Bentley would answer.

"Sly?!" Sure enough, the turtle's nasally voice replied, "I thought we'd lost you a while back."

"I'm already at the police station," Sly continued to whisper, "they have me in the interrogation room, but nobody's in here with me right now."

"We're on it," Bentley replied, "we'll try to create a diversion to allow you to escape."

When he and Murray arrived at the station in the van, Bentley already had the plan thought out.

"If I can use my sleep darts and aim them at the power buttons and switches of all the appliances, I should be able to distract the cops. Shooting the darts at them won't do any good, as the others will know something is up," Bentley explained, out loud to himself and to Murray. Bentley got out of the van and started wheeling himself closer to the police station, using his turbo boost to get up on some platforms. He found an open window, that he could get a great view of the coffee maker in the break aimed carefully at the coffee maker's power button and took a shot. The coffee maker turned on again and brewed more coffee and started to overflow.

"Huh?" one cop said as he ran to the source of the noise. _"The coffee maker's gone haywire!"_

The spill leaked on to the wire, causing a brief electrical spark. A second officer quickly unplugged the machine.

 _"Alright, Sly,"_ Bentley said into the earpiece communicator, _"I've already distracted some of them, so that's your cue to exit."_

With that, Sly simply walked over to the door and turned his back turned to it, grabbed the knob and opened the door. "That wasn't much of a daring escape," he said to himself, "maybe this time, I can improve my performance. But first, I gotta get out of these cuffs."

"While you're working on that," Bentley said, "I'll create more diversions so you can find something to pick the lock." In those halls, Sly was trying to make his way through, quickly, but stealthily, ducked down as he usually did when sneaking around. At this point, he thought about how he didn't have his cane on him. He figured they must have taken it when he was unconscious. But he knew that he still needed to get out of his cuffs. He figured he could kill two birds with one stone if he could get the keys and be able to get his cuffs off and get his cane back from the locker it was likely to be stashed in.

Bentley wheeled himself to another window, where he could see the room where the copy machine was. He saw another window had been opened, as to ventilate the general area. He shot a dart at the power button, and many sheets of paper started to fly from it as it made its usual whirring sounds.

"Wah!" shouted an officer, "the copier's going haywire, too!"

Once Carmelita was in the surveillance room, she looked at the north wall, which was covered in television screens which monitored every room in the police station. They were managed by computers below. She approached one and hesitated, before selecting the very video she wanted to erase.

"Inspector Fox," said a cop entering the room as he approached her, "something screwy is going on here. All the appliances are going crazy!"

At that second, Carmelita clicked "delete" on the menu.

"Does Inspector Barkley know about this?" Carmelita said in an attempt to smooth over her actions.

"Some of us are attempting to notify him now."

Out of curiosity, Carmelita followed the officer to the hall.

Sly caught a glimpse of Carmelita and the officer about to turn the corner into the hall, so he slipped into one of the doorways to avoid being seen. As soon as he saw Carmelita run by him, he saw that the keys were on the back of her belt loop. Carmelita slowed down as she approached the room where the situation had been reported by her fellow officer. Sly snuck up behind her, hunched down and carefully walking backwards as to reach the keys with his hands. With a single finger swipe upward, he got the keys, but at that moment, the momentum with his back-stepping caused him to swing backwards and bump into her.

 _"Huh?"_

She and Sly both turned around quickly to face each other, with him doing so to make sure she didn't see he had the keys.

"Inspector Fox," Sly said, attempting to be smooth, "fancy bumping into you here". When he started the last part of his sentence, he was rooting through the keys to see which one would unlock his cuffs. As he finished speaking, he found one that fit and unlocked them.

 _"Cooper...!"_

With that, Sly dropped the cuffs and ran.

"I'll help you take him down," the officer next to Carmelita said.

"No need," the fox raised her hand, signifying for him to stand down, "I can handle this myself."

Carmelita ran after him with her shock pistol, but only after he was more than halfway down the hall.

Sly spotted the evidence locker room and peeked into the lockers, until he spotted something gold in one of them, quickly seeing the long wooden piece attached to the bottom. Swiftly playing the "key roulette" to find the locker key, only to find none of them fit, he once again tried communicating with Bentley.

"Do you have any info on the combinations to these evidence lockers?"

"Of course," the turtle replied, "if my calculations are correct, the combination should be 3-2-"

But he was interrupted by the sound of a familiar shock blast that was flying towards Sly. At that moment, the raccoon ducked, and the blast hit the locker, causing it to break open.

"You know, sometimes you make this too easy," Sly teased as he grabbed his cane, stepped into the broken open locker, swung his cane up to remove the vent grate, hooked the crook into the opening and climbed up the stick to crawl inside.

Carmelita knew she wouldn't be able to catch him in time, and that shooting the vent would only damage part of the building's structure. She ran to the entrance, where she spotted the familiar Cooper van.

" _One of these days, I swear I'll finally get you, Sly Cooper!_ " Carmelita shouted, " _Even if it's the last thing I do!_ "

"It's great to have a woman so dedicated to me," Sly said, "you don't see that kind of loyalty these days."

Bentley huffed in response, remembering his last encounter with Penelope.

"Speaking of women and questionable loyalty," the turtle spoke, "I discovered that the Mayan wind gem we stole from Boss Hombre had been stolen from us! And the culprit left their calling card." Bentley held up a familiar pink calling card shaped like a certain mouse's head.

"That's the gem Carmelita tried getting me to spill the beans about," Sly said knowing he had unintentionally made a pun only he understood.

"What happened back there, Sly?" Murray asked, "Hope she didn't work you over too hard."

Sly was still very reluctant to tell his friends what Carmelita had done to him back in the interrogation room. "No, she didn't," was all he could be willing to say, "in fact, it was a rather... breezy encounter."

"So you got out of it easily like you usually do," Murray concluded.

"Yep," Sly said, not wanting to discuss any more about it. The van turned another corner in the empty streets that darkened as the twilight hour had turned to dusk.

Back at the safehouse, Bentley still mulled over the Mayan Wind gem that had been re-stolen from them. "How was she able to take them without us noticing?"

"It's a mystery to me too, Bentley," Sly said, "She did still pull one over us in our last escapade. Looking back at our adventure with the vault, I did _not_ see her betrayal coming from a mile away."

"She's still sending me postcards from her travels through time," said Bentley, "though I haven't received her next one just yet. And the pages of the Thievious Raccoonus haven't been disappearing since your return. So we'll be able to get a little rest until our next heist."

Sly already had a taxing day as it was with what Carmelita had done to him, and still couldn't wrap his head around it. Once more, he tried putting it out of his mind.

"That's good," he said, "because I could use some right now. I think I'll hit the hay." With that he marched out of the room, yawning audibly. Bentley and Murray looked at each other as he did. Whatever Carmelita did to him in that interrogation room must have really taken it out of him.

Sly just laid in bed restlessly, tossing and turning. He then stopped when he rolled onto his back and started to think about the interrogation Carmelita subjected him to. He cringed with distaste from the thoughts; it was as if he could again smell the horrible stench she produced. It really contrasted with her beauty. Not that he didn't think she never did that sort of thing — It was basic biology, after all — but when she did earlier today... it was unbelievably intense. Even though it did happen, he still couldn't completely believe it _had_. It was... not what he expected from her... yet... it was a remarkably bold move of her to purposely do such a thing. He knew she had made bold and unexpected moves before... but this also seemed to be added to his mental collection of them. He felt strange that he was even thinking of it that way now. In an... almost... endearing way. A familiar feeling came over him, and he was confused as to why he felt it in this context, and he peeked under his blanket.

 _Oh, no... this is going to make our relationship even more awkward than it already is._

He had confirmed that this was how he perceived it now, he swore that he'd never let anyone know. He still considered the night that Murray won a burrito-eating contest a bad memory, but when Carmelita produced similar results, while it initially disgusted him, was now... different somehow. His gang could definitely never know this, or else he'd never be able to show his face at the next job. Neither could any of the other criminals, even though only a few might laugh at him, the rest wouldn't perceive him as a threat to them anymore. And Carmelita... she might get creeped out and never want to speak to him again, never giving him slightest chance to patch things up, if another opportunity ever presented itself.  
But why was he feeling this way now? He remembered when they pulled a heist in Athens and saw all the foot statues the boss kept around the land, and Bentley stated that fetishes like this often formed in childhood. Sly then started to remember, back at the orphanage, a time where Bentley was being hassled by bullies as he usually did back then, who were trying to play "keep away" with his glasses. Sly had finally snagged them from one of the bullies, and a girl that was helping them with tormenting his friend leapt out at him, pinned him down and farted on him. He must have repressed this memory for years, and it finally came back to him. And with that, he decided it was a secret he'd take to his grave.  
 _Now I definitely can't get it off my mind. I think if I have more, I'll get over it. Just one more to get my fix, then I'm off the stuff for good. But I doubt I can get any more tonight. Maybe... tomorrow._  
He was in disbelief that he even thought that. But since this was going to be the first and last time he'd try this, he didn't think it was that big of a deal.


	3. Sly's Solo Mission

The following night, there was still no news from Bentley of a heist to pull, so Sly saw this as an opportunity to go out oh his own "solo mission" in pursuit of Carmelita.  
"I'm going to scout the city, to see if anything suspicious turns up," he told Bentley and Murray, before leaving the safehouse.  
"Just make sure you're not out too long," Bentley said, "if you find anything, you'll need to let us take the time to come up with a plan."  
"Relax, mom," Sly replied, "it's only for reconnaissance. No direct involvement whatsoever."  
Outside in the darkness of the night, he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, making some jumps by hooking his cane on to whatever he could to launch himself upwards, heading for the apartment of a certain Interpol inspector vixen.

Sly had simply told his teammates that he was going to scout Paris for suspicious characters and acts, but unbeknownst to them, he really had other plans. We knew he was intending on breaking into Carmelita's apartment, that sneaky son of a-  
"Hey," said Sly, "I can hear you, y'know."

He paused for a minute, mulling over his memory of the interrogation once more. Although it had happened the other day, he still felt puzzled about it. Mainly because he doesn't remember her even so much as squeaking one out when they were in the same room — which was strange considering they had dated for 8 years — even though he didn't either (but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that). He tried to regain his focus, as he tried to stick to the objective to get inside her apartment. Once he was able to climb onto the roof of the apartment, he couldn't help but imagine the "delights" he'd be in for.

 _I wonder if she'll let any off when she gets home,_ he thought as he pictured Carmelita just arriving and making herself comfortable, bending over and lifting a leg as she lets out a brassy poot, commenting in relief about having held it in for hours.

 _Or maybe I can disguise myself as a chair,_ he thought as he imagined himself doing so, with a sheet over him as he squatted in position in the shape of a chair, where Carmelita could sit on him without being any the wiser, letting it rip under the impression she was all alone.  
When Sly had entered the apartment through the window of Carmelita's room to find she was already asleep, he thought maybe she'd let them out when she slept and wasn't able to restrain herself.

As he approached her bed, he saw that she was sleeping uncovered, so he pulled the blanket over her, and then decided he'd crawl underneath the blankets with her. He had noticed that her body looked thicker, the way it last looked after his adventure with the vault.  
He wrapped his arm around her, as he did when they shared the I'm glad she filled out again nicely, Sly thought, when she started losing weight, it actually worried me. Not that I could tell her that to her face. He couldn't help but feel cozy, also like he used to when they were both living together. And as he felt this feeling, he found that he was starting to drift, though not falling asleep completely.

A few moments later, Carmelita began to stir. And she started to think about the night before.

 _I knew it was unethical of me to delete the tape, as well as impose it on the Cooper Gang, knowing Bentley's hacking skills... But I didn't have much of a choice. I should have kept an eye on Cooper, even though I didn't want the other officers to smell that crap, they'd still have known it was me either way had they seen the tape._

She started to try and turn to her other side, but she felt a weight pulling her down. In fact, she had also noticed some extra warmth wrapped around her lower body. She peeked under her blanket and saw a sleeping, sneaky raccoon, clinging to her waist.

"Cooper!" She hissed, "Haven't you given me enough trouble already?!"  
"No-" started Sly nervously, "I mean... no," he finished with a grin.  
Carmelita kicked Sly off of her and the bed, "Get out!"  
Sly got up and said, "I can explain-", but he was cut off by Carmelita.

 _"GET OUT!"_

She threw a pillow at him, but he dodged it and then jumped out the window he climbed in from, and hooked his cane on a pipe and slid down to allow him to get to the ground fast and hit it running.  
"SLY!" he heard Bentley contacting him through his earpiece, which he had put in case Bentley would try to contact him, and he'd be able to give Bentley an "explanation" as to not make him suspect anything else.

"Where are you?! You've got to come back to the safehouse, Henriette "One Eye" Cooper's pages have started disappearing from the Thievous Raccoonus!"  
"I'm on my way, Bentley," Sly replied, and with that he used his hook jump move to latch on to the side of a building and jump to it's rooftop and then ran across the rooftops into the night.


	4. Coopers of the Caribbean

Sly Monologue

 _"_ _I returned to the safehouse, and Bentley showed me the blank pages where Henriette's section should be. He was also prepared to travel back to her time using some of the vault's gold coins left over from the rest he spent for the time machine's parts, and we once again would zip through the fabric of time._ _Our arrival in the Age of Pirates was something that met many of our expectations. Just looking at the place told us that Penelope had a lot of influence here, what with her logo on every flag in town and all. We searched high and low for my pirate ancestor, Henriette "One-Eye" Cooper, but found nothing. Henriette was not only the best pirate in the Seven Seas, but also the most famous female Cooper in Cooper Clan history. Quite an accomplishment, if you ask me. And as it turned out, we were greeted by a strange albatross named "Red Rum Roger" who told us all about what happened to her. According to him, a mysterious phantom pirate calling himself "Black Beard" invaded Topaz Lagoon and bought off Henriette's crew, leaving Roger, her first mate, the only loyal shipmate One-Eye had left. Roger elaborated on the details, and much to our surprise, he described what he called "Armored Pelicans". While it wouldn't seem too suspicious to us at first, the dark realization of what Black Beard actually was began to sink in. Black Beard, a.k.a. Edward Teach, was a real pirate. I guess that's what she was counting on. But she's just insulting our intelligence now. Come on, Penelope. Is that really the best name you could think of?"_

 **Title Card: Sly Cooper and the Gang in: Coopers of the Caribbean**

 _Chapter 4: Freedom and Betrayal_

"Is he done with his monologue?" Bentley asked.

"I think so," Murray said, "he's been doing that since after he stole his own police file."

"Although I got into it before," Bentley mentioned.

"How come I never get to do one?" Murray moped, "Even Carmelita got a turn."

"I'm glad ya came here," he said in a Jamaican accent, "dey call me Red Rum Roger, and I've been waitin' for ya."

"You have?" Sly asked, skeptical and confused.

"Yeah," Red Rum Roger said, "my captain Henriette One Eye Cooper has been captured. I know where she's bein' kept, but I'm going to need some help with getting her free."

"And where would that be?" Sly asked as his ancestor was mentioned.

"Across de lagoon. Black Beard came and had his guards tie her up and throw her in dat cave on de island."

The four sailed across the lagoon and made it to the shore on the other side.

"Okay, Red Rum," said Bentley, "Are you sure below us is the cave prison where they're keeping Henriette?"

"Right I am, matey," replied the albatross, "Saw 'em drag de Captain in there with me own swaggled eyes."

"If the first mate don't lie," said Sly, "I say we get moving."

The gang, excluding Sly, left with the albatross to head down to the coast. There was a cave at the bottom. Everyone else suddenly appears. They all enter the cave, which was strangely devoid of guards.

"No guards or high-tech security?" Puzzled Sly as he noticed the cave's vacancy, "Bentley, I thought you said this place will be packed with mercinary thugs."

"Agree," Bentley agreed, "something's off here. But this is where Henriette is, so we have to move on."

Sly, went down the lantern lit passage in the cave with the others following him and soon came across five different tunnels that look almost identical.

"The compass won't work here," said Bentley with slight worry in his voice, "this is bad."

"You know," Red Rum Roger injected, "I actually overheard a few sea rats mentioning somethin' about a 'chamber with a scar'. Don't know what that hogwash could mean, though."

Sly took out his Binocucom and spotted an almost invisible scratch mark at the entrance of the fourth tunnel, the group then headed towards it and came to a one-room cell bay. Henriette was inside the cell laying against the cave wall with her arms crossed and legs stretched out. Beside the door to the cell was an attached computer. The five ran to the cell.

"Henriette!" Sly called out to his ancestor.

Henriette looked up with a slight scowl and didn't seem to notice her first mate.

"And who are you landlubbers?"

"Captain!" Exclaimed Red Rum Roger, "These mates have come from de future, or so they claim. We have come to break you out before you dance with Jack Ketch."

"Well, yo ho ho, First Mate," Henriette said sarcastically, "If yer here to get me out, do it. Though I doubht you can get into that cursed box."

"THAT?" Bentley said confidently, "Don't make me laugh. That model is SOOO old fashioned. It'll only take a minute."

So then Bentley got to work hacking in a sequence that can be described as a more complicated Spark Runner Arcade.

"Password... piece of cake..." said Bentley, "overriding security... rerouting lock in three, two, one."

And with that, the lock to the cell fell off and the door swung open, revealing a wid eyed and impressed Henriette.

'Well, swaggle me one eye!"

Sly walked in and held a hand out to his ancestor and with a pirate accent said, "Shall we leave, Captain One-Eye?"

"My," said Henriette, clearly flattered, "for a sea dog, you sure know your manners to a wench."

The two raccoons walked out of the cell, when Henriette notices Roger about to stab Murray. Her first instinct was to snatch Sly's cane from him and dash forward.

"Look out, blubberball!" She cried out as she pushed Murray aside and used the hook of the cane to stop Roger's sword. Unfortunately, this caused Murray to crash into the gang and they all fell into the cell.

As the door closes, Roger takes out a tiny hand cannon and blasted a small cannonball at the ceiling, causing rocks to fall in front of the cell.

"What 'tis the meaning of this, Red Rum?" Henriette demanded.

Red Rum Roger just laughed, "Awe, Cooper, you're cute when you're naive and angry. Let me ask you something. Who do you think sold the Emerald Eclipse along with its sea rovers to the great Black Beard? Who turned you in?"

Henriette realized it was him that was behind it all, angering her in the process, "Why you double-crossing, no good scallywag! Explain yourself!"

"'Tings change, One-Eye," was the albatross' reply, "An so will de color of yer fur when run ya through!"

"I'm gonna throw ya into a dead man's chest and then down to Davy Jones' Locker when I'm done with you, traitor!" Henriette threatened, ready to do battle with him as he stuck out his sword and herself still holding Sly's cane.

Roger attempted to stab straight through Henriette, but she parried it and attempted to slash Roger, but he blocked it. The sword fight continued as they both were glaring at each other, both their weapons clashing, until, with a quick, upward swipe, Henriette managed to knock Roger's sword out of his hand, with its blade landing downwards that poked right through the sand.

Red Rum Roger's face fell into a look of shock and disappointment before changing to a more hardened expression.

"This ain't over, wench!" Red Rum Roger said, "Black Beard shall rule the Seven Seas and you and those buccaneers shall be poxed!" With that, he fled, leaving his sword behind. The rock wall is knocked down by a punch from Murray, surprising the pirate raccoon.

"Shiver me Timbers!" She marveled, "Such strength!"

"Thanks, Captain," said the hippo, "Murray reporting for duty!"

-"I'm Bentley, Henriette,"

-"The name's Sly. Sly Cooper."

Henriette's ears twitched at the mention of the name "Cooper", and looks at Sly in disbelief, then inspected the cane.

"Hm, solid gold... fine woodwork... real Cooper quality, not to mention that you look slightly like my father," she shrugged, "Hm, seems safe to believe you sea rovers." She turned to the tunnel, "Now, it's best we depart! Handsomely now!"she concluded, marching down the tunnel

The Cooper Gang give each other confused looks before following the captain.

Job Complete

Sly Monologue

 _Henriette wasn't exactly pleased to know that I was related to her, but she managed to get over it rather quickly. We asked her to tell us about Red Rum Roger, and she gave us the goods. According to her, Roger was on the run from the law when the two of them met each other. When the Wandering Trident, Roger's ship, crashed into the harbor in Jamaica, Roger tried to steal Henriette's ship, which resulted in a sword fight. Roger lost the battle, but agreed to join Henriette as her first mate. Eventually, the two of them gained a following and that following became her crew. Unfortunately, they were only so loyal, seeing how easily they were bought off by "Black Beard". I could see the depressed look on Henriette's face. It reminded everyone about what Penelope did to Bentley, and that made each of us angry. Surprisingly, it was Murray who reacted to this the most. He actually threw a whole box of pastries he had brought with him out the window of the hideout! We knew he had been stewing about Penelope ever since the Celtic Scotland affair, but at this point, he was ready to snap! He wanted to defeat Penelope so badly... We could tell just by looking at him that things were going to get tough. And it wasn't just because of Penelope._


	5. Ghostly Voyage

Henriette jumped down from a rooftop in front of Murray.

"Don't worry, mate," she said, "Bentley sent me to accompany you to the harbor.""

—"'The Murray' doesn't need help right now."

"Well," said Henriette, "you do, mate. According to Bentley, there be many pirates that are trying to sink the H.M.S. Triumph, which be headed to the harbor even as we speak."

"Uh-oh," said Murray, "what's that ship again?"

"That be the H.M.S. Triumph," said Henriette, "commanded by one of me greatest rivals, Commodore Morgan Fox."

"Wait. Morgan Fox?!" Murray was surprised, "As in... Oh no! Another of Carmelita's ancestor's is in danger?! Don't worry, I'll save him!"

Murray and Henriette rushed towards the harbor. The harbor was at quite a distance, so they had to rely on the rooftops, considering the many flashlight guards appeared on the route towards the harbor. However, Murray and Henriette didn't have much time to combat the pirates, lest the H.M.S. Triumph won't make it to the harbor, as it wouldn't be safe to get too close. Luckily, they were able to defeat them.

Sly and Bentley approached Murray and Henriette.

"Good," said Sly, "Everything is alright now. The ship is finally heading to the harbor."

"Excellent!" Bentley said, "Now, let's see if we can negotiate with the commodore regarding Black Beard."

The H.M.S. Triumph had just reached the harbor. Sly and the gang get onto the ship to greet Commodore Morgan Fox. Instead, the commodore gets out of his ship with a blade at Henriette's throat.

"Pirates on my ship?!" he barked, "I'll have none of that kind of mischief aboard the Triumph!"

"Relax, Morgan. It be me, remember?" Henriette said as she gave Morgan a sassy look, as if she were trying to woo him.

Morgan rolled his eyes and sighed. "I remember you now, and I will not be falling for your tricks again."

Henriette looks slightly disappointed.

"Henriette 'One-Eye' Cooper," continued Morgan, "you are coming with me to the gallows. You and your new crew are."

"Now hold up, mate!" said Henriette, "We be trying to get you to help us!"

'M-Me?! Helping pirates?!" Morgan stammered, shocked at the idea, "I-I would do nothing of the sort!"

"He be ashamed of helping me crew out earlier last year with Salty Sam," Henriette said to Sly with a mischievous giggle, before turning her attention back to Morgan, "Listen, mate. I be telling the truth when I tell you that we've been invaded by a monster."

"Have you some proof?" Morgan asked.

"Look at the flags, Morgan! Someone be messing with the island!" Henriette shouted.

"It would appear that you told me the truth," Morgan said reassuredly, "Whose symbol is that and what manner of thing are we dealing with?"

"Um, excuse me," Bentley interrupted, "but we are dealing with a time-traveler, one we all once considered a friend."

"What sort of contraption are you sitting on?" Morgan asked curiously looking at the turtle's mobility device, "It's quite interesting."

"Let's not talk about my wheelchair right now, Morgan," Bentley said.

"Is this all of your crew?" Morgan asked, noticing Henriette's usual crew was absent, "What happened to the seagulls and that albatross?'

"Let's just say," Henriette sadly said, "they be not as loyal as I thought."

"Yeah," Sly added, "Rum Roger and the rest of her crew work for Penelope now."

"She's the time-traveler I mentioned," Bentley said, "though it seems she's taken the identity of Black Beard now."

"Guys!" Murray cried, "It's another ship!"

And sure enough, there was a ship sailing by that made Henriette squint suspiciously.

—"That's not just any ship, mates! That be my ship! That no-good rotten phantom is using my ship!"

Morgan looked through a spyglass in his pocket and saw Black Beard and Red Rum Roger.

"Everyone, get to your assigned stations now," he ordered, "Load the cannons! We're sinking that ship once and for all!"

"Murray, you'll need to stay behind with me to help hold the fort!" Bentley said, "Now Sly, remember that costume that you wore in Blood Bath Bay?"

"Yeah," said Sly, "what about it?"

"You'll need to wear it again," Bentley told him, "You'll need it if you're going to fool some of the pirates into thinking you're a new crew member. Oh and here's one of Roger's swords. Maybe Morgan will let you have a hand cannon, too. Now get going before Black Beard gets away!"

Bentley and Murray got off the boat as it left the harbor as Sly went to put on his disguise.

"Okay. It's nice to know that Cantankerous Tim's clothes still fit," Sly said, as he slipped on the vest lastly, "Henriette, can you and Morgan keep watch on the ship?"

"I be having the eyes of a hawk!" Henriette declared.

"Good," said Sly, "Now it's time to get this party started."

Sly's current location is far enough away from Black Beard's, which made him undetectable at the present moment. While in the Buccaneer Costume, enemies such as the Cutthroat Capuchins and Sinister Seagulls didn't attempt to attack Sly, but Putrid Pelicans did. When Sly reached the production facility, he knew he'd need to rely on the pirates' inability to recognize him to get him past them. But before Sly can get into the facility, however, his obstacle was at least seven Putrid Pelicans. He knew using his hand cannon would attract their attention, so he'd decided to climb up a vine leading to some rocks which act as stairs for him to walk up, allowing him to reach and defeat the pelican on the roof. Another pelican appeared as soon as he took out the previous one. Sly jumped down from the roof of the building, but thought it was best not to do so in front of the pelican. With this, he managed to take out the pelican with his saber. The fourth pelican was located near a small pool which had a generator in it. Sly just needed to get behind the pelican and slash it with his saber. The last three pelicans were all in one area, each close to one terminal. Two pelicans didn't seem to ever turn away from the terminal, with a remaining pelican guarding the other two. Sly managed to defeat each with one blow from his sword.

The capuchin monkey walks toward the facility with a fellow capuchin. He notices the destroyed pelicans.

—"By Black Beard's beard! This be a terrible thing!"

"Quick, matey!" A second one spoke, "Try and get inside! We must warn the captain!"

"That's my cue," Sly said, "and here I thought I'd have Bentley hack the door's terminal." He took a portable hacking device out of his pocket before putting it back in. He managed to make it inside of the production facility's front entrance.

The first capuchin notices Sly's presence, "Who be this landlubber behind us?"

With that, both capuchins turn around. "Explain yourself, lad!" The second one said, "Who are you?"

"Relax, mates!" Said the raccoon, using his previously implemented pirate accent, "I be a new recruit. I be Scurvy...uh...Will! Scurvy Will!"

"Well, be on your guard, mate," the first Cutthroat Capuchin said, "there be a saboteur among us. We be going to alert Captain Black Beard of this. You go and watch over the...um...whatever it is that creates those pelicans."

"Good grief!" exclaimed the second capuchin, "I be wishing that we stuck with the raccoon girl now!"

The capuchins both entered an elevator of some sort, and travel upward while Sly entered a room where many Putrid Pelicans are being built.

"Oh wow," Sly said to himself, "those are a lot of pelicans. Bentley, are you looking at this?"

"This doesn't look good, Sly!" The turtle replied over the binocucom, "At this rate, even if we get rid of the robot production machines, there will still be too many guards and pirates to deal with!"

"True," said Sly, "but my hand cannon should be able to blow up those machines."

"Just be careful not to get caught on the way out, okay?" Bentely cautioned in his usual way.

"I know," Sly replied, "I know."

Sly used his hand cannon to destroy all ten of the machines that produced the pelican robots. But while this part was easy, it's the angry pelican robots that Sly was forced to contend with that gave him the most trouble. As soon as the first machine was destroyed, the guards were on to Sly. Knowing he didn't have much time, Sly knew he must demolish the guard robots and machines with more haste.

"Bentley," said Sly, "I've done it! The machines are completely destroyed!"

"Great!' Bentley said, "Now head to the ship immediately! Black Beard and Roger are probably on to you by now!"

—"Got it!"

Sly heads out of the robot production room... but he was sure he heard a familiar voice calling out.

 _"Is someone there? If you are, you got alot of explaining to do, not that it'll save you!"_

"Carmelita!" Sly made a dash for the direction he heard her voice. But his sprint was cut short by a metalic blockade that stopped him in his tracks.

"I knew you'd fall that trick," a deep, yet familiar voice said, "Amazing what technology can do. That pirate woman might have escaped, but I'm making sure you're staying in the brig!"

Black Beard picked up Sly by his collar with ease and floated to the ship's brig and threw him inside unceremoniously.

"I'm sure you'll keep each other company in your last hours," said Black Beard before turning around to return to business, confident the high-tech modifications to the brig would keep in any prisoners.

Sly found out what Black Beard had meant by 'keep each other company' when he saw the actual Carmelita in the brig with him.

"C-Carmelita?" Sly asked, "Is that really you? Or are you just another fake made by Black Beard?"

"Ok," Carmelita looked frustrated, "I'll prove I'm the real deal. When you and your friends were teenagers, you ate at a pizza restaurant one night, where Murray dared you to put crushed red pepper into your soda, and you did... and you threw up on the table."

Sly was taken a bit by surprise by her answer, but at the same time knew that the guys were telling Carmelita stories about their younger years while he was gone.

"Well, then," Sly said with a twitch of his ear, "I guess you check out."

He then figured he needed Bentley's help after all.

"Hey, Bentley, I've been locked up and I've found Carmelita, but the cage has lasers for bars, and you know how it is with-"

"Alright," Bentley cut him off, "do you still have that portable hacking device?"

"Yeah," Sly said, "I was just going to hook it up to the terminal." He carefully reached outside the laser bars to do just that.

"Alright, then," Bentley said, preparing to crack the code, "looks like I'm going to town with this one."

After the sequence, Bentley was contented, "I'm sure Penelope hasn't remembered that she's only second best when it came to being technology inclined."

The laser bars faded and the two captives made a dash out of the cell.

"So," Carmelita said, "exactly what plan do you have to escape this vessel?"

"Let's try this way," Sly said as they made a dash to the left, but suddenly, they run into Black Beard.

"Penelope! That suit is huge!" Sly said, finally getting a good look at the mechanical suit.

 _"It's certainly larger than your brain if you think you'll leave here alive, Cooper,"_ hissed Black Beard.

Before the ghostly pirate could slash Sly, the raccoon dodges Black Beard's sword, pulling down Carmelita with him, and manages to escape the production facility carrying her out.

 _"COOPER!"_ Black Beard shouted as he —or rather, she— discovered what Sly had done to the production plant _, "I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!"_


	6. On Feathered Wings

Carmelita Monologue

 _It was after the Ringtail showed up that it happened. I thought he came back after I went back to bed, and I was not too happy about that. I picked up my shock pistol ready to subdue him, and arrest him right then and there for trespassing in addition to larceny. But then I smelled a stench that wasn't mine, and saw who had broke into my apartment. It was Penelope who had arrived with her time machine! Before I could take action, it was a repeat of my unwilling adventure in the old West! I was sent to back to the age of pirates, where an albotross had me tied and thrown in the brig. I wanted to show him that would be the biggest mistake he's made today..._

Back to the current moment, where Sly was still carrying Carmelita to the safehouse.

"Cooper! Put me down! I can walk, you know."

It wasn't until they reached the safehouse that he did so, and sat her in a chair.

"You're welcome," said Sly, taking a seat himself in a chair next to her.

"Why should I thank you," Carmelita said, "when it's your fault that I'm in this mess?"

"I'm not the one who sent you back in time with my time machine," Sly pointed out.

"Not the point," Carmelita gritted through her teeth, seething. But then her expression of anger suddenly got mixed with embarrassment, as a blush formed on her face.

It didn't take long for Sly to realize why, as the scent hit his nostrils, which he found that it burnt them a bit. Then he also stated to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable knowing what she just did. But he didn't say anything, but Carmelita noticed his expression, which changed hers into a slightly more worried one.

 _Oh, he smelled that. I know he got the worst of it when I tried to interrogate him, but now is not a good time for this to happen._

Then, at that moment, the safehouse door opened, and Bentley wheeled himself inside. A few wheels in and his face suddenly changed expression, as he entered the zone of the stench.

"Sorry about that, Bent," Sly said, "before we traveled here, all that was left to eat at our safehouse back in Paris was that chili Murray brought in, so I helped myself to it. I just hope Carm here doesn't hate me too much for that one."

Bentley cocked one eyebrow, "Well, go easy on it next time, it's like a fox's musk during mating season," he said as he fanned the air with his hand. "We have a job to carry out, and Carmelita is needed for this one. Carmelita, you have to go on top of the lighthouse to take down more of Red Rum Roger's fleets." He wheels himself out of the safehouse for Carmelita to follow after him.

Carmelita started at Sly, puzzled and questioning of his previous actions, "What was that?"

"I was cutting you a break," Sly replied. Carmelita, of course, looked unimpressed.

Everyone assumed their position in their mission with Carmelita standing at the top of the lighthouse. She took out her repaired binocucom to communicate with Bentley.

"Look how huge that is!" She said, as she saw what appeared to be a large ship headed their way, "And I thought Le Paradox's blimp was big."

"Forget about the size, Carmelita," Bentley replied, "Look who's piloting it!"

Carmelita zoomed in her binocucom to see Red Rum Roger and several Sinister Seagulls piloting the machine.

"It's that double-crossing bird-brain," she growled, "and he's with MORE bird-brains. So you want me to shoot him and his little crew out of the sky?"

—"Precisely. Just watch out for any cannonballs, though."

On the flying ship, Red Rum Roger looked outside and noticed Carmelita on the lighthouse.

 _"Hey! There's one of those Cooper wenches! Blow 'er out of the water, you sea pups!"_

"Aye, First-mate Roger!" His seagull commerade responded, causing Red Rum Roger to sigh in disappointment of not being a captain.

The ship will began to fire cannonballs, which Carmelita avoided as she shot and skillfully took them down.

"Nice work, Carmelita," said Bentley, "But it's not going down like I hoped."

—"Is it possible they were flying on autopilot?"

"Most likely," Bentley replied, "they literally ARE bird-brains and can't even bring down a sail. Looks like you'll have to destroy that machine's engines. My scan shows that there's eight of them and it will take a few shots to even blow up one."

—"I love it when something's hard to explode."

"Now you must hit each engine six times before they go into flame."

"What in the name of Davy Jones is going on?!" Roger panicked, knowing he was losing altitude, "What? We're going down?! Gotta get this Jolly Roger down by the facility so de captain can patch it!" Unfortunately for Roger, he went in too shallow and heading straight toward the facility. Roger started screaming as the ship began to descend in the wrong place.

"Not there! Mayday! Mayday!" Were his shouts as his machine exploded upon impact with the building on the island.

"He certainly isn't a sea dog," laughed Bentley, "Sly can do way better. Great going, Carmelita. We should be safe from the skies from now on."

Meanwhile, Henriette had just finished up her portion of the job.

"That wreck almost be a waste of me time," she said, looking at the scraps of metal she had collected from the ocean, "Methinks I missed a lot." Henriette saw a sword on the beach. Out of curiosity, she ran to it and picked it up. She tried fitting it into the scabbard she found in the sunken fleet, and it fit like a glove. "This be it! This be the sword I was looking for! Wait 'til I show Murray!"

Job Complete

"Interesting," Bentley pondered back at the safehouse, "It appears that her suit can generate steam or mist, which will prevent some knowing if we can pickpocket the mech."

"Not bad, Penelope," Sly said, "Not bad at all. But we're still going to put you in your place."


	7. Nerd vs Nerd

**_4:35 The Harbor_**

"Alright team," Bentley said, "I'm ready to launch my mechanical dolphins. They'll be able to detect any incoming pirates from within a few miles."

"Impressive, matey!" Henriette marveled, "You be quite a genius."

"He sure is, Henriette..." Murray agreed, but not sounding sure of himself, "uh...yeah..."

"What's wrong, Murray?" Bentley asked him.

—"I...uh...Nothing. Nothing's wrong, I swear! 'The Murray' is absolutely fine."

"Right...Okay then," Bentley said, not really believing him, "let's get to work."

Murray took a look at Henriette and blushed. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them, Penelope was hiding from behind the ruined lighthouse and took out her binnocucom.

"Red Rum Roger, are you there?"

"Aye, Captain," replied the bird, "But I be a bit confused. Why am I forced to wear this _thing_?"

—"Don't ask. Even I don't know why that is. But anyway, can you remind me how to control that submarine we built together?"

"Aye, Captain. You be needing to hold the R1 button and select it from the menu. Then, when you're near water, drop it in with the circle button. Then, we you be in the briny blue, hit the square button to fire strange arrows."

"Thanks, Roger. You really are a good paw-I mean, pirate," the mouse woman said, almost blowing her cover.

"Thanks, matey," said Roger, none the wiser, "I always be working for the best."

"Right...um...Okay, where was I?" Penelope thought out loud to herself, "Oh, right. Time to deploy my RC Submarine!"

Once Penelope dropped her submarine into the water, it sensed the amount of mechanical dolphins Bentley sent into the ocean by displaying a counter. It revealed that there are a grand total of ten dolphin robots. Penelope found it took four torpedoes to and destroy each of the dolphins, which had gotten harder and harder to do with each dolphin robot destroyed. The dolphins soon became faster, they gained new attacks, such as different swimming formations that would do some damage if she got too close. After the third dolphin was destroyed, they started activating shields that had been upgraded once the fifth dolphin was toast. She also noticed the dolphins were able to repair themselves with time, so simply attacking some of the dolphins and saving them for later didn't work. But eventually, Penelope was able to defeat them all.

"Take that, slowpoke," Penelope gloated as her RC submarine made its way out of range. She the summoned her Black Beard mech and quickly retrieved her RC Submarine. Bentley noticed Black Beard leaving.

"Guys! Black Beard!" Bentley cried, "Why didn't my dolphins detect anything yet? Could that disturbance they picked up earlier have anything to do with this?" He tried to call back the dolphins, but to no avail. "On no! My dolphin robots! Something must've destroyed them!"

"It looks like Penelope had some help!" Sly pointed out.

"I be a bit angry at Morgan for not staying behind like we asked!" Henriette said, "We be chasing that no-good rat by now!"

"Sorry, Bentley," Carmelita said as she tried to comfort Bentley.

"Penelope..." Murray could only say as he clenched his fists and cracked his knuckles in anger.

Bentley notices a small tunnel underneath of the lighthouse.

"Not to worry, guys. I think I might be able to follow her after all." Bentley started to make his way through said tunnel. Murray tried following Bentley but was stopped by Henriette when she points out how small the tunnel is for him.

Bentley followed Black Beard to a ship graveyard.

"With many grounded and ravaged ships," Bentley said to himself, disregarding anyome who might hear him, "it is very easy to get lost without the compass."

Bentley wheeled himself around, still tailing Black Beard indirectly. He was sure he found the right path, but it ended with a wall.

"Drat..." he muttered, "a dead end..."

But then he heard the robotic voice of Black Beard speak.

"Why did I have these hallways made in such a complicated manner? I can't even find my own base!"

Bentley encountered a piece of debris, which he knocked out with one of his gadgets attached to his wheelchair for head-on attacks, if such an occasion was necessary. He wheeled himself further, just to find out he had attracted the attention of a guard, which he took out as quickly as he could.

'''The Mind' approaches," one Putrid Pelican said as Black Beard approaches her pelican guards.

''The base has been kept tidy for you, Captain," said a second one.

"It had better be," Black Beard said as she entered her base, "Red Rum Roger better not have touched anything while I was away. Who knows where those feathers have been.''

"Alright, time to use my sleep darts," Bentley muttered to himself, "Given what they're made of, maybe, I can even make these robot pelicans deactivate for awhile."

Bentley quickly shot some sleep darts to temporarily deactivate the flashlight guards on duty, making it easier to sneak past them. He saw Black Beard get on an elevator to travel downward, and figured he must take an alternate path. The elevator had been indicated to be temporarily disabled after Black Beard's descent.

Bentley found a computer, and knew he had to use his hacking skills to deactivate several devices in the base, the first was the Spark Runner sequence, which activated several platforms Bentley was able to hop across, and an escalator to help Bentley get down to the lower levels. The second mini-game was Alter Ego. Once this was completed, and a series of doors opened. The first contained a Secret Bentley Mask. The second lead to the path Bentley needed to take. The third and final door, however, lead to a treasure chest with many coins. Behind the second door revealed another code to crack, in the form of System Cracker. Which opened a door leading to a series of obstacles. As tedious as they were, it finally paid off when he got to an open window that peers into what appears to be Penelope's quarters.

"That Bentley has caused more trouble for me than he should've," said Penelope(and I'm glad I can finally use her real name) as she got out of the mech.

"The inside of that mech is so cold. Why did I put a refrigerator in that thing again? No matter. Time to check my data analysis."

Penelope bent over and strained lifting a leg up with her hands until she let a loud fart rip.

"Ahh... and I've been holding that one for hours. I bet stuffy old Bentley wouldn't approve of that. Good thing I'm not with him anymore."

Bentley crinkled his face in disgust as he put his hand over his nose.

Penelope, none the wiser of Bentley's presence walked to her computer and started typing on the keyboard, "I just need to send my analysis and... Bingo!"

Penelope's large computer in her quarters begins analyzing data that Penelope is downloading.

"Most impressive," said a mysterious masculine voice coming from the computer, "but this isn't the kind of data that is needed."

—"What? But how? I've done everything I needed to!"

"Not quite. A different negative emotion is required."

Bentley ignored the computer, as he was too angry at Penelope to focus on anything else.

 _"Penelope, when I get my hands on you, you're finished."_

"Scratch that. The chip has the right emotion," Penelope said.

Bentley readied his dart gun by arming it with an explosive dart and aimed it at the computer.

"Now that I have the chip, we can proceed with phase-" But Penelope couldn't finish her sentence, as Bentley's explosive dart blew up the computer.

"What?" Penelope looked behind her and spotted the turtle. "Bentley?! But how did you get in here?! Where are my guards?!" Penelope got into her mech as Bentley made his way out of the base.

"Guards! Get that turtle now! He has infiltrated the base!''

Penelope used her mech to break through the wall that separated Bentley from her.

"OH NO!" Bentley worried, "Not good! Not good! Definitely not good!"

He tried to avoid Black Beard's attacks as he retraced his steps trying to go back the way he came. Two flashlight guards from outside of the base were in his way, but he shot more darts at them and got far enough away from Black Beard.

"Come back here, you little soup can!''

Black Beard noticed that she was descending, as many pirates came to her aid, ''What? Don't tell me... I've run out of fuel!?'' Black Beard couldn't detect Bentley anywhere. "Drat! He escaped! That no-good can of snapper stew escaped!''


	8. Why is the Rum Gone?

Murray stared out toward the faraway, and began throwing rocks into the sea in anger.

"That no-good, backstabbing, mean rat! First you betray my friend Bentley, then you try to kill Sly, and now you're trying to kill us all! I've had it! I've freaking had it!" He stomped in a fit of rage. He turned around and saw Henriette looking at him in shock.

"Calm down, mate," Henriette tried to soothe him, "That be no way for a man to act."

"I just can't stand it!" Murray shouted again, "She was our friend!"

"And Roger be me first-mate once, Murray," she reminded him, "You think I wasn't upset when he betrayed us? You acted a lot like this at that moment, too."

—"I am seriously getting tired of having to deal that big fat...DUMMY! How long is it going to take until we actually defeat her?!"

"I told you, calm down," Henriette finally lost her patience with Murray, "as Captain of the Emerald Eclipse, I order you to calm down!"

When Murray saw the look on Henriette's face, he immediately tried calming down.

"Now, I came to tell you that I be in trouble for not telling the gang about me stint in the wreck." Henriette noticed Bentley approaching her.

"Yeah, about that," the turtle began, "I discovered why the wreck is out there. "Apparently, Blue Blood Benjamin's fleet drank too much Coconut Rum and the ships crashed into each other."

"So you want me to get everyone drunk?" Henriette concluded.

"No," said Bentley, "We need the opposite. We have to get rid of all of the rum in Topaz Lagoon."

Henriette stared at Bentley in a state of shock and horror, as if the unthinkable was about to happen.

"Henriette," Bentley continued to explain the exposition, "it's the only way we're going to even the odds. There are too many pirates. They'll attack each other and not us if we get rid of the one thing that makes them, well... You know, for once, I don't actually have anything to say. Murray, you'll be the one who has to get rid of the rum. There are fresh supplies of rum barrels all around the town. Do you think you're up for it, big guy?"

"'The Murray' is ready for anything!" He said confidently, before Henriette dashed in front of him.

"No! Not my rum! Anything but the rum!" She said frantically.

"I'm sorry, Henriette, but "The Murray" needs to do his duty," the hippo told her and headed off to destroy the rum barrels.

Henriette grabbed a bottle of rum at that moment while nobody was looking and took a quick sip of rum behind everyone's back.

Murray looked determined as he bolted to the barrels. Bentley specifically instructed him to destroy 25 barrels of rum. He saw some pirates run towards him, but he took them out with a few punches. He repeated this sequence a few times before he finally destroyed all the barrels.

A seagull was alking around tryiing to find some rum, but couldn't. He looks at a capuchin. "Hey! Do you have rum, landlubber?"

"What you be talking about, matey?" a capchin said, "I be dry as a desert! Where's the rum? Wait, are you stealing it, mate?"

"No, mate," the seagull replied, "But I bet you're holding out on me." The two pirates started brawlling with each other, and sure enough, other pirates start fighting each other for the same reason.

"We did it!" Bentley cheered, "Black Beard will have to fight us ourselves! You see, Henriette, it worked like a charm. Huh?!"

The turtle too one look at Henriette as she headed toward Murray and Bentley in what appeared to be a drunken stupor.

" _Hey, boys_ ," she slurred.

"Henriette?!" Bentley said, "Tell me you didn't drink the rum! We need you for the assault on Black Beard!"

"I love it when you call me salty, mate," the pirate raccoon said as she walked up to Murray and began giggling.

"Aren't you a pretty man?" She said with a hiccup, "Now give me a hug and call me merry."

With another hiccup, she fell over. She rolled onto her back and looked up at Murray. "Coconut Rum. It does wonders for your hair, mate," she said before she passed out.

Murray just rolled his eyes, lifted her up over his shoulder and carried her back to the safehouse.

 _Job Complete_


	9. Operation: Turbo Dynamic Piracy

The gang, Henriette and Carmelita all sat together at a table at a pub. They were having another meeting where they would do over their plans. Bentley took out his self-named tech.

"I'm going to be honest with you guys," he started his speech, "the fact that Penelope wants to fight us herself is both good and very bad. On one hand, we've managed to dwindle the number of her troops down to only a few pirates. The bad news is that she probably has something planned for us when we reach her. Thankfully, so do I. I recently came into contact with Morgan Fox again, and he says he'll be able to take us directly to the Emerald Eclipse."

"The ship that married the French," Henriette laughed with a hiccup. Bentley looked at her with a suspicious look.

"I though we made sure you wouldn't have rum for awhile!"

"I love hippos," Henriette hiccuped again.

"Aw, shucks," said Murray, looking a little flattered, "thanks, Henriette."

"I always go to sea as a common sailor," Henriette said, "because of the wholesome exercise and pure air of the forecastle deck. For as in this world, head winds are far more prevalent than winds from astern —that is, if you never violate the Pythagorean maxim."

At that moment, Henriette lifted a leg above the table and let rip a sound so cacophonic that it could only be compared to a foghorn.

"Paint that one pink!" Henriette laughed heartily, "none of the blokes could ever beat me at this."

The guys at the table looked shocked, but Carmelita on the other hand looked irritated as well. She got up from her seat, stood up and started chastising Henriette.

"I could brush off Bob's antics because he was a cave raccoon, but _you_ should be more civilized!"

"I'm sorry," said Henriette, not sounding sorry at all, "let me give you a closer whiff." She stepped up on the table and pointed her captain's quarters in Carmelita's direction. As soon as she did this, the guys ran (in Bentley's case, wheeled) away from the table before Henriette could release noxious fumes.

"Gross!" Carmelita complained, "right back at you!" And with that she stood on her chair and pointed her butt towards Henriette, not caring at that moment that people were giving their table dirty looks, with some people even leaving. The fox grunted, in attempt to push something out.

* * *

"Now that we're out in the fresh salty air, we can continue to discuss our plans," Bentley said.

"I guess so, I lost my appetite anyways," Murray said, but then he lifted up a chicken leg he was holding, "oh, it's back," and he took a bite.

"Not the most dainty of gals, is she?" Sly said, "sure that was a given, but the Thevious Raccoonus never mentioned _this_."

Bentley glared at Sly.

—"Why are you staring at me?"

"She's _your_ ancestor," Bentley said flatly.

"When I said I took after her, I didn't mean like _that_ ," Sly muttered.

"There was one night Carmelita begged to differ," Bentley said.

"Hey, she can't blame me for that," Sly insisted, "I was asleep! I probably should have counted on you exchanging stories when I was gone."

"Okay," Bentley said, moving on to the plan, "when we reach Penelope, we need to use that sword Henriette found in order to damage her mech. That's right, nothing we have other than that sword can actually penetrate the suit or damage it in any way."

"Wait a second," Sly said, a bit concerned, "are we going to kill Penelope or something?"

"No," says Bentley, "definitely not. We need to know what her plan is, and we need to know it now, before she escapes again. In short, we damage the suit, get Penelope, and head back home. We'll do all the questioning we need to."

"You're forgetting about Red Rum Roger," Sly reminded him, "What if he shows up?"

—"I don't know how anyone could survive a crash like what he went through, but if he does show up, when he have to take him down, too. Now let's do this!"

Morgan let everyone including Henriette, board his ship.

"That would be quite enough of that, madam," he said as he took away Henriette's rum bottle and chucked it into the ocean.

"Wait, where am I again?" Henriette puzzled as she started to sober up a bit.

"You are aboard the H.M.S. Triumph, Henriette," the fox man told her, "Expect your time on it to be quite brief if you aren't careful enough. Now, I assume you are all prepared for battle?"

"Aye!" Declared Henriette.

"Affirmative," Bentley joined in.

"¡Si!" Carmelia added.

"You bet!" Sly said.

"'The Murray' is ready to crack some metal pirate skulls!" The hippo announced.

Morgan turned around and saw a familiar ship.

"Well, it looks like we won't have much time to waste. Black Beard has arrived!"

The Emerald Eclipse came into view, with Black Beard at the helm. The Emerald Eclipse, which has now been outfitted with several upgrades, used a tractor beam to pull the H.M.S. Triumph closer to it. The ships collided, sending Bentley flying toward a ledge, hanging on for dear life, and Carmelita rushing over to get him, only to have Putrid Pelicans ambush her. Morgan and Henriette, on the other hand, were ambushed by a familiar foe.

"What?! You again?!" They both said in unison.

"You be quite unlucky, fox!," Red Rum Roger declared, "And you, One-Eye, are-Ya know what, 'tis is getting annoying now. I can't keep doin' de pirate lingo anymore. Just surrender, One-Eye, and 'tings will get better for ya."

"Oh, go stuff a mattress!" she told him, then turned to her temporary ally, "Morgan, take care of him, okay?" And with that, she joined up with Murray and Sly.

''Enough!" said a familiar mechanically deepened voice, "It looks like Sly and Murray will have to die first. Congratulations, Cooper, you get a one-way ticket to your grave.''

—"'The Murray' will prove you wrong!"

"Let's go for it, big guy!" Sly encouraged the hippo as he stood by his side.

Black Beard started to fire small cannonballs from its shoulder turrets and attempted to slash at the three with a sword. They succesfully dodged the slashes. It turns out Black Beard had hidden missile launchers. But the downfall for the metallic mech was that it had targets that marked where it was going to fire, so they got out of the way as it happened. Then it revealed shoulder-mounted cannons that shot out a substance that covered the floor in ice. At this moment, Murray managed to throw a large cannon ball at Black Beard, which disabled it and allowed Henriette to slice off the mech's arms until only the head remained. Then she tossed the legendary sword to Sly, who leapt in and sliced off the mech's head.

Black Beard's torso flew off into the distance and large new body slowly emerged from the sea. The old body attached to the newer, larger and more grotesque one, becoming the robot's new head.

 _—''I'll rip you a new one, Cooper! You'll pay dearly for what happened in England!'_

Black Beard fired from its pistol, the blast knocking out Sly and Henriette.

"THAT DOES IT!" Murray shouted, his anger reaching its peak, "Penelope, do you remember the golden rule, the one about when everything fails?"

—''Heh. What is it?''

"BREAK STUFF!" Murray bellowed in response.

"Not so fast!" Red Rum Roger called out.

Murray turned around and saw that Morgan had been knocked out. Murray took a look at Black Beard and Roger, then at his friends and cracked his knuckles.

"THE MURRAY" IS READY TO KICK SOME PIRATE REAR!"

Murray, being his usual self, dashed into the fray without a single thought, desired the upgraded Black Beard mech being loaded with powerful weapons that could easily kill Murray in a few hits or less. While the new Black Beard mech showed off stronger attacks, such as a cybernetic cutlass that looked very formidable, it is Red Rum Roger who posed a more serious threat due to his attack variety, ice based attacks, courtesy of Penelope. Roger was able to create icy spikes from the ground and cover the floor with ice, making movement troublesome for Murray. Even moving away from Roger wasn't a simple strategy, as the bird would attempt to fire icicles at Murray. However, Roger also has several water-based attacks up his sleeve, as pillars of boiling geyser water rose from underneath of the arena to try and boil Murray alive along with firing high-pressurized water from his new hand cannon. Murray managed to stun Roger with a Thunder Flop, grab him, and throw him off out of the arena.

"Nice landing," Murray taunted.

Murray figured he'd need to rely on a fresh supply of cannonballs in order for him to attack the upgraded mech. So he filled up the cannons of either the H.M.S. Triumph and Emerald Eclipse.

A cannonball hit the upgraded Black Beard, disabling it once more. Their were a grand total of ten cannons, five on each half of the ships that aren't connected to one another. Flashlight guards, the Putrid Pelicans to be exact, tried to hinder Murray's progress in between trying to get ten cannonballs to hit Black Beard, but, with how strong he is, the hippo had very little trouble taking them out.

"De hippo is strong," Red Rum Roger climbed back up the Emerald Eclipse completely exhausted, "Dis is no good." Roger breathed heavily as he lied down in exhaustion. Murray used this as an opportunity to pick him up and prepared to throw him into one of the ship's cannons.

"What are ya doing?!" the albatross protested, "I'm no cannonball!"

"Happy trails, chum!" Murray shouted as he chucked Red Rum Roger into a cannon.

"Uh-oh," said Roger.

"Uh-oh," said Black Beard.

Murray fired the cannon at Black Beard, causing Penelope to eject from the mech before it exploded. Red Rum Roger ended up back on the ship, stuck in a barrel, completely unconscious. Penelope landed close to Bentley, who was still holding onto the ledge. Henriette, Morgan and Sly managed to regain consciousness.

"You'll pay for this, Murray. I swear it!" Penelope shouted, "that also goes for the rest of the Cooper Gang!"

"Carmelita," Bentley cried out, "I'm slipping!"

"Hold on, Bentley, I'm coming!" Carmelia dashed over to his end of the shop.

Bentley lost his grip on the ledge, much to Carmelita's horror. Bentley closed his eyes as he braced himself for the sharks in the water. But much to his surprise, someone grabbed his hand. Bentley looked up to see Penelope, of all people, coming to his rescue.

"Penelope?!"

Everyone looked at Penelope in shock, including Murray. Penelope helped Bentley up, but then realized what she did.

"W-Wait a minute! This changes nothing, slowpoke!" Penelope said to try and cover herself while she quickly got her Portable Time Machine ready, "Mark my words Cooper Gang! This isn't over between us, so you're foolish to think you've-"

Penelope was interrupted by her other end, as she let out a long, wet-sounding fart. Everyone stared in shocked disbelief.

"That was my shoe!" Penelope insisted, as she scraped her shoe on the deck, hoping it'd make a sound to cover herself, but to no avail, as Red Rum Roger, still behind her fanned the air.

"Ok," the mouse woman continued, "it's not making the sound anymore."

"A little windy in Kansas there, Dorothy?" Sly said smugly. Carmelita snickered.

"Oh, grow up!" Penelope shouted, "what is this, grade school?"

Another one escaped the mouse's rear end, causing her to blush deeply. Penelope started to run towards the time portal she had opened up, rapidly passing more gas as she did so. Some were apparently painful, as she had said "ow!" in between some.

"That deluded bug better be working hard, or I'm getting the bug spray!"

And with that, she jumped into the time portal with one last poot.

Job Complete

Outro and Murray monologue

"While it certainly felt great to finally face Penelope, I was pretty shocked when she saved Bentley. Didn't she try to kill him in England? Maybe there was some good in her after all. It made me feel pretty guilty about fighting her, but the rest of the gang said it was the right thing to do. Bentley was still pretty unhappy with Penelope, but looking at him told me that he still loved her a little bit. That certainly didn't make me feel too good. When we got back to Topaz Lagoon, all of these troops were waiting for us. Morgan had called for his troops to capture the rogue pirates, and we handed over Red Rum Roger to the authorities, I'm sure they'd know just what to do with him. We tried to find a clue as to where Penelope may have gone off to, but we found nothing. Thankfully, Henriette was allowed to keep the Emerald Eclipse and get away from Morgan in one piece, and during her first voyage on her old ship in a long time, she came to us with some papers. They looked like some kind of manuscript an author would write, even though I couldn't understand cursive writing too well. However, according to Sly and Bentley, the author of this manuscript was none other than Thaddeus Winslow Cooper III. We were heading to Victorian England next, but Henriette didn't want us to leave. She would miss us terribly, and she'd miss me the most from the looks of things. And so, Sly took one last picture, one with me and Henriette in it, and I gave it to her. I couldn't believe it. "The Murray" was driven to tears again. Sly had to remind me she was his ancestor, which kind of killed the mood for me, but I still felt pretty bad having to leave her like that. I'm sure Henriette will be just fine...if she's not drinking rum."


End file.
